Something I Am Very Good At | Pushing People Away

So there is something in my life which I am definitely very good at. It's not something I am quite happy about but I'm good at it anyway. Doesn't mean it's a positive thing. In fact it's probably rather negative. I am very good at pushing people away. Exceptional I must admit.

I am not the most sociable person on the planet but put me in a social setting with a bunch of people and I would do alright and surprise myself that I may actually be having a good time. It's keeping social ties that I find hard. It's staying in a sociable mood that comes with great difficulty. I'm not entirely sure why but there it is.

The time I'm at my best at pushing people away are times when I am in a rut or going through some rough times. I tend to keep myself to myself and don't like burdening people with my problems. Opening up to people is something I'm not fond of doing which for someone who is blogging seems a little strange but the circumstances are a little different. Opening up involves letting yourself be vulnerable to people. I've done it before, it's backfired and people have used information against me or turned it against me which is not a fun feeling. Get burned and you attempt to stay away from the fire a second time.


There are only a small number of people who I feel that I can trust with my openness and vulnerability and that is my best friend and boyfriend. Me and my best friend are a good bit similar when it comes to people that I know she understands the most and is super supportive and my boyfriend is also one of the most supportive people I know that opening up to him is easy and I am glad I do have supportive and loving people in my life. My mum is also a good person to have a good rant to and my dad totally understands too as he's very much the same. Well, I know where I get it from. Not everyone makes it easy though or there's too much energy involved in trying to make other people understand. Therefore I isolate myself to an extent.

Sometimes I just want to light some candles, stick something on that I can binge watch and hide under my covers and stay there until my rut blows over. Sometimes that can take a day, a week or even a month or more. Some people during these times think that I no longer want to be friends or that I am losing interest and even when I try to tell them that I isolate myself sometimes they don't understand. So, I isolate myself from them even more. Pushing them away. I've probably done it quite a few times now. Part of me is sorry, I am human and I may not always deal with things in a way that everyone likes but I'm also not sorry for looking after myself.

We are all human and we all make mistakes but looking after ourselves is not one of them. If people aren't willing to understand your way of looking after yourself and trust that when you feel ok again you'll start doing things with them again then are they really your friend? My way of thinking is when I'm not at my best then I don't want to be around people knowing that I'm not going to be good company and bring the mood down.

Sure, pushing people away is not the best way to handle things, maybe pushing people isn't the best way to explain it. Perhaps it is merely isolating yourself and when you drag yourself back into life people aren't around to give you hug and say "welcome back mate, we missed you!".

Have you ever had a similar issue? How do you cope with it? Let me know. :)

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