Living With Psoriasis

"You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”." - Erin McKean

Having psoriasis can have it's catch 22 moments. Your skin needs the vitamins that the sun provides but when your skin is in the middle of a flare up all you want to do is cover it up meaning your skin is not getting what it needs. It also doesn't help that I live in a country where the sun does not come out to play all too often. I love you Scotland but damn your weather sucks a lot of the time. Everytime I went to Florida my skin always miraculously cleared up. Up until two years ago I definitely covered up my arms all the time. I'd be working in 20 degrees heat with a cardigan on. Even then people still noticed it on my hands. The faulty thinking here is that people noticing it is a negative thing. It's not. However it's the reactions of people which can be hard to cope with. I've personally been quite lucky in most of my interactions. Most people have been compassionate. I've even had actual helpful advice that a lot of people wouldn't consider. I've heard some awful stories about how people have reacted to psoriasis and it's horrible. It's not a disease, it's not an infection and it's not contagious but there are people who are so ignorant. 

Over the last two years though I have stuck to a strict regime of creams and gels as when I was a teenager I could never keep up with it. Past Suzie was an absolute idiot. Now my skin is mostly clear apart from very stubborn areas like my knees and elbows. However, I'm still not fully comfortable with showing off my legs. I used to having amazing legs by the way. Baby steps though right? Not everyone is as lucky as this. Some people need to go for light treatment or have intense treatment for it. I really hope mine doesn't ever reach this stage. I know someone who was burned by the light therapy and had to be admitted to hospital for a week. It can also hurt like hell. The plaques crack and peel. Sometimes it feels red and raw and for me with it on my knees sometimes it causes pain in my knees. 

Confidence is highly impacted when you have a skin condition like that. If you have it on your scalp or hairline you feel like you have a limited amount of ways to have your hair. This actually must be worse for males or anyone who prefers to have shorter hair. Your choice in clothing is limited if you feel like you don't want to go out sleeveless etc. Make up can be a pain in the arse to deal with if you have it on your face. My confidence used be non-existent. I never thought I was ugly or unattractive. I just thought I would be so much better and happier if this psoriasis wasn't there. It can honestly bring you down and make you not want to go out. Which it certainly has made me feel. Thing is with it being under control and tamed I am slowly gaining that confidence back. I still have bits here and there which are still obvious but fuck it. We can't put our life on hold or let it slow us down. 

Another catch 22 of this inconvenience is that when you are stressed you are more likely to have a flare up. Now anyone who knows me will know my anxiety spikes pretty easily. Soon as I see a small red patch I'd end up stressing out which just makes it worse so it is a vicious cycle. Everyone's experience with this is absolutely different though so this is just one perspective. One of many perspectives. 

Psoriasis isn't just a skin condition. It can be serious, it has a serious impact on people's lives and their confidence and mental health. Living with psoriasis may not be fun but it's time to not let it stop you from having fun. Sometimes it's hard to learn to love the skin you're in and sometimes you'll go through phases where you love it and you hate it. We are only human after all. 

Honestly there are models who have psoriasis such as Caridee English who won America's Next Top Model one year and Cara Delevingne. Even Kim Kardashian can be added to that list. So it may shape us as people and contribute to who we are but it does not define us.

Do you have psoriasis? Or a different kind of skin condition that knocks your confidence? What's your skincare routine like?

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