Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
How are you doing today? I want to talk about psoriasis again and how the impacts of Covid-19 and lockdown has impacted my skin. If you had told me this time last year that we were just months away from a pandemic and our lives would be completely different I'd probably be in disbelief. But when I watched what happened in China, then Italy and the rest of the world including where I am in the UK it became all too realistic and the consequences are a bit worrying. Being stuck at home has had it's ups and downs for me and I'm sure many people feel the same. I also understand how bad these consequences are such as redundancy, getting ill, or losing loved ones. My psoriasis isn't exactly on a list of priorities right now but it's good to talk about it. So, here are some thoughts or more like situations and realisations I've had through these past few months.
Number 1
I kind of thought with all this time at home I would have more time to keep to a strict skincare regime. Ohhh boy was I wrong about that. There would be times where I'd have a good couple of weeks keeping up with it and then I'd go days of just not bothering. I think that was partly down to mental health where some days I just wanted my skin to be better and other days where it was the last thing on my list to care about. I also think the moisturiser that I was using from the doctor started to make my skin worse. One of the joys of psoriasis, it's trial and error and even when something works at first it can stop working further down the line. I stopped using it and just used my Body Shop coconut moisturiser and my skin has massively improved.
Number 2
With the weather getting better and that we were still allowed to go out for daily exercise and plus I have a dog so he needs walked a few times a day I thought "hey, the sun will help" yet it didn't help at all. The sun normally does help but I guess the stress and anxiety of what was going on around us outweighed the benefits. Also with the sun comes an awful lot of heat which I hate. Autumn for life. Heat means clothes stick, rub and just irritate the living days out of my skin and it also means a lack of sleep which can also trigger a flare. Seriously, I can not wait for the cooler weather to get here.
Number 3
As I wasn't going anywhere I thought it doesn't matter what shampoo or conditioner I use just now because nobody will really be seeing me or my hair. I bought some of Tesco's own cheaper shampoo and conditioner forgetting why I stopped using some brands in the past. My scalp was not thankful for the switch to cheaper brands at all. If my hair isn't being looked after then neither is my scalp. I was wondering for weeks why my scalp which hadn't been this bad in 10 years was all of a sudden flaring up so bad. I realised and quickly changed what I was using and my scalp started to heal. Still has a bit to go but it's better than what it was. I nearly cried a couple of times with how sore my hairline had become.
Number 4
With a pandemic comes new protocols and behaviour to try and keep not just ourselves safe but those around us too. Washing hands. This was more at the start before places started closing. The massive emphasis that was put on washing our hands. My hands were a mess. Red all over and just sore that I didn't want anything touching the back of my hands for a while. Thankfully my hands are no longer in that state but I am definitely worried that now everything has opened again and using some shops hand sanitisers are a bit too harsh for sensitive skin.
Here are some articles I came across discussing the subject of psoriasis during covid and the third link is just a great wee resource for the psoriasis community.
Do you have psoriasis? Has lockdown and Covid-19 made an impact on your skin? What have you found that has helped or worsened it? Just remember that on top of life itself which can be tough we are living in such an unpredictable and crazy time and if you're psoriasis is flaring then don't be too hard on yourself. I know sometimes there's days where we can get down about it but it's normal. Anyways thanks for reading. :)
Pictures used are from Unsplash
Anxiety is not something I really talk about to anyone whether it's online or to those who I regard as close. It's also not something I have been diagnosed with by a medical professional however it is something I am very aware of and have definitely had since at least high school maybe even beyond that. Sometimes I do think that I should go and talk to the doctor about it as recently is has been something that is somewhat getting in the way of things.
How it Manifests
When my anxiety surfaces it can show it's annoying face in many different ways. It depends on specific situations. Sometimes my stomach will become sore and cramp like along with my temperature raising to the point I sometimes sweat, will sometimes feel sick and become dizzy as my heart rate increases and my breathing gets faster. It's not fun and it probably happens more often than I care to admit. Sometimes I can ignore it and push through it then there's times not so much.
Recently
Sometimes my anxiety forces me to do things because I then get anxiety about the what if I don't do it. This can sometimes be a good thing, I mean I'd rather be able to do things without that thought process and the feelings that come with it. I think it is quite a multi-layered process really. However, recently the anxiety has stopped me from doing things. For one, there was a day I was supposed to be in uni and instead of getting the train to uni I got the train to somewhere else. I walked around for a bit, got myself new PJ's, went for another walk, got myself some coffee and then got the train back home. Perhaps I needed it but running away is not the best answer. During this, intrusive thoughts were bothering me for example I did think "what if I just don't go back". Thankfully, I have plenty to go back home to. I don't have an unhappy life, I'm not unhappy.
It was just a blip. A blip of many blips. It was definitely like one of those bugs you get in games. Something that just wasn't working the way it was supposed to. Someone was pressing the left button but for some reason my character was going the other way.
There was another day where I was meant to go to an event on migration held by my uni. I was looking forward to it a lot... until the last couple of days beforehand. On the day I couldn't bring myself to go and I hate that it was like this. I cancelled my ticket so it wouldn't go to waste (I hope it didn't, it sounds like it was an interesting event). I do kick myself a little bit but hey oh.
What now?
I honestly don't know. I would like to be able to go to someone and talk. Medication is also not out of the question for me. I was put on beta-blockers for migraines for a short period 4 years ago and the anxiety didn't disappear but it was easier to manage and some of the symptoms were lessened which was a great feeling. Asking for help however is not easy which is a bit of a catch 22.
Thank you so much for reading this. If you could relate let me know or know anyone who goes through this. If you just want to chat you can let me know, or find me on social media.
So there is something in my life which I am definitely very good at. It's not something I am quite happy about but I'm good at it anyway. Doesn't mean it's a positive thing. In fact it's probably rather negative. I am very good at pushing people away. Exceptional I must admit.
I am not the most sociable person on the planet but put me in a social setting with a bunch of people and I would do alright and surprise myself that I may actually be having a good time. It's keeping social ties that I find hard. It's staying in a sociable mood that comes with great difficulty. I'm not entirely sure why but there it is.
The time I'm at my best at pushing people away are times when I am in a rut or going through some rough times. I tend to keep myself to myself and don't like burdening people with my problems. Opening up to people is something I'm not fond of doing which for someone who is blogging seems a little strange but the circumstances are a little different. Opening up involves letting yourself be vulnerable to people. I've done it before, it's backfired and people have used information against me or turned it against me which is not a fun feeling. Get burned and you attempt to stay away from the fire a second time.
There are only a small number of people who I feel that I can trust with my openness and vulnerability and that is my best friend and boyfriend. Me and my best friend are a good bit similar when it comes to people that I know she understands the most and is super supportive and my boyfriend is also one of the most supportive people I know that opening up to him is easy and I am glad I do have supportive and loving people in my life. My mum is also a good person to have a good rant to and my dad totally understands too as he's very much the same. Well, I know where I get it from. Not everyone makes it easy though or there's too much energy involved in trying to make other people understand. Therefore I isolate myself to an extent.
Sometimes I just want to light some candles, stick something on that I can binge watch and hide under my covers and stay there until my rut blows over. Sometimes that can take a day, a week or even a month or more. Some people during these times think that I no longer want to be friends or that I am losing interest and even when I try to tell them that I isolate myself sometimes they don't understand. So, I isolate myself from them even more. Pushing them away. I've probably done it quite a few times now. Part of me is sorry, I am human and I may not always deal with things in a way that everyone likes but I'm also not sorry for looking after myself.
We are all human and we all make mistakes but looking after ourselves is not one of them. If people aren't willing to understand your way of looking after yourself and trust that when you feel ok again you'll start doing things with them again then are they really your friend? My way of thinking is when I'm not at my best then I don't want to be around people knowing that I'm not going to be good company and bring the mood down.
Sure, pushing people away is not the best way to handle things, maybe pushing people isn't the best way to explain it. Perhaps it is merely isolating yourself and when you drag yourself back into life people aren't around to give you hug and say "welcome back mate, we missed you!".
Have you ever had a similar issue? How do you cope with it? Let me know. :)
Back in 2013 I got into University of Glasgow. A pretty proud moment for myself and to my mum and dad. I could tell they were pretty pleased with the prospect of me going to university. I was excited. Looking forward to my subjects which were psychology, classics and comparative literature. I had a couple of friends from my college class at the uni with me and I met some cool people in my new classes. The building was gorgeous and the classes were fun and interesting. What I did not take into account was I had so much pressure and other things overwhelming me that I didn't realise that starting uni would be the time that it would all come bubbling up to the surface.
I was floundering under coursework and all I wanted to do was stay in bed. I lost a best friend because I was trying so hard to stay on top of everything and not paying them enough attention. There was just so much going on with me. There was one day in particular I remember now when I was on the subway on my way home. I saw a girl sitting across from me. She was sitting there crying but trying to hide the fact. I wanted to join her. I wanted to burst out crying right there and then. Instead, I waited till I got home. I just couldn't cope and at the time I was afraid to admit this. Scared of failing so I thought if I leave I'm technically not failing. So I left. Decided to take time to look after myself. And that is exactly what I did do.
Eventually in 2015 I went back to college to gain my HNC and HND in Social Sciences and even though I had some struggles I had an amazing time doing these courses. However applying for university again was scary. Out of the five universities I applied for only one had accepted me. My last resort option. It knocked my confidence and made me question what the point even was on completing my college course. I however decided to just get on with it and do the best I could. The grades I got ended up being better than some of the entry requirements to universities that knocked me back. This made me feel a bit angry in a way.
I accepted the offer from the only one that gave me an offer. It means I'll have a lot of travelling which is not something I am looking forward to as I can't use that time wisely like studying because reading whilst on transport makes me feel sick. I'm not even all that excited about starting but it is only for 2 years so I feel like I can make it through 2 years and do what I need to do. I can then think about postgraduate courses and maybe I'll be able to attend a uni that is a little closer to home. Seeing those who I ended college with in 2013 and seeing them all graduate this year did make me feel a little sad that I could have been there with them but I am also very happy for them. Part of me wishes that I could have been there with them. But sometimes your path goes off on turns and tangents and you need to do what's best for you.
Just because you drop out doesn't mean you have failed. Everyone has to take their own pace when it comes to this kind of thing. You need to look after yourself and it's not always a bad thing. It's the journey not the destination.
Wish me luck. :) How was your experience at uni? Did you leave uni? Are you glad you did or regret it? Let me know in the comments.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons